Tag Archives: Sketches

A Sketch My Brain Spewed Out In A Hospital Bed

Dear Audy,

Well, it has taken over a week and I finally have my feedback for the hospital completed. I will let you know a little more about that after they have had a chance to respond.

This is a sketch I drew when I was in hospital. It was just an image that kind of appeared into my head and then hounded me until I got out a pencil and scribbled it down…which was a lot of effort as finger co-ordination was not something that came easily whilst on the ketamine. Then I had to stare at it for a while and try to figure out what it meant and why I drew it. I think it has a poem…or at least a lyrical title that will accompany it when I turn it into a painting. I’m really not sure. Something about letting things tangle but still looking ahead…or kind of ahead and behind at the same time…but not letting go of the yarn…and yeah, I’m obviously still figuring this one out.

20090301-Hospital-Sketch


That letter was taking up all of my brain power…I have been in a lot of pain and on a lot of medication which does not equate to much brain power in the brain power pool. I think this is why Twitter is so perfect for me right now…such uncomplicated thought and yet still a means of communication…fabulous. If you have looked at Twitter and wondered what on earth the point was, I don’t blame you, I thought the same thing at first. But now I know a couple of important things. The first is that a lot of amusing people Twitter, so you can read their updates and just have a little giggle. The second is that it’s best used through an application like twhirl, which turns Tweeting into something like instant messaging with the whole world…with no obligation to reply and no obligation to keep following people who get boring. It’s also excellent for any time you have an amusing or important thought and have the urge to share that thought with the whole world…without delay. Twitter lets you do that.

Something has been bothering me and I think I need to fix it before I can tell the story of my ketamine infusion properly…and that thing is that I haven’t finished recording my RSD story. I have been recording them kind of ‘major point’ by ‘major point’, mostly meaning the different instances when it spread. I have not yet told you about when it spread to my hands. Once I’ve done that, I’ll feel like I’m making a lot more sense when explaining how the infusion effected me. Getting this done is my mission over the next few days…can’t get too precise about deadlines when you have RSD, it likes to make a mockery of them!

The next step in my RSD/CRPS journey is to get some more investigation done on my ankle, where the original pain started. I think there’s something there that is driving the RSD and constantly triggering it, so I doubt there’s much chance of me beating this monster while that’s still there! Sigh…more doctors…more waiting….at least I have you, Audy, you make lovely company on the long, repetitive and painful days.

Love & Unfortunate Flaring,

Caf

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  • Why I Am Lucky And Will Be OK…With Sketching

    Dear Audy,

    It’s been over two days of icing since my ankle was stomped on and the pain hasn’t abated at all…it’s crazy to think of how much pain I am normally in and how much extra it is now…just when you think it can’t get worse, eh?

    I have to keep my foot elevated, so I have been passing the time sketching. This is the next imaginaiad, her name is Leni. She’s quite clear about that. She kept yelling at me when I thought her name was Lena, she went totally Ting Tings and was all “That’s not my name!”. I’m still working on this sketch, but I’m looking forward to giving her colours…Leni is the first imaginaiad to be born entirely from my visual image of her, usually I find a pic that looks kinda like them and copy the basic shapes, yay for development!

    20090209-Sketch-Leni

    Despite my own pain, I am still feeling lucky today. Entire towns in Victoria got wiped out by bushfires this weekend…the rising toll has the number of deaths at 111 and over 750 homes lost. Crazy, just crazy. It’s not even over, fires are still burning and there is no rain on the horizon…I just heard a lady outside my flat relaying how she has been evacuated from just south of Beechworth as her town is surrounded by fires. She’s gotten her camper van stuck in the carpark…oh wait, she’s free, small blessing considering she doesn’t know if she’ll have a home to go back to…

    There’s nothing like a natural disaster (or not so natural as the fire scenes have been determined crime scenes) to make one feel utterly useless. Apparently emergency services have been flooded with people just trying to offer their help. Amazing to see so many reaching out like that. Guilt might not be a rational or helpful response, but it’s pretty easy to feel guilty just for being alive and at home today, when so many won’t ever see their homes again. I can’t bear to watch the news repeating footage as it was hard enough to watch the first time, it’s updates only for me. When I’m in a lot of physical pain my propensity for bursting into tears raises astronomically and the reality of the Victorian bushfire situation is just far too horrible…they don’t need my tears.

    Now I am going to try and get myself out of the emotional gutter. It’s hard to deal with this amount of pain (it’s completely resistant to pills) but I am gonna be OK. Any minute now I expect to stop reliving being stomped on and I am gonna be OK. It doesn’t matter how much RSD throws at me, I am gonna be OK.

    Love, Loss & Determination,
    Caf

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  • Oh How Quaint, She Learns To Paint

    Dear Audy,

    My break from the city is winding down and whilst I’m looking forward to going home to my own bed, I’m definitely going to miss having space around me! I’m also a little concerned about where I’m going to get my trash fix without daily America’s Next Top Model….sigh….I really have been living in the lap of luxury! Grin.

    I touched up my puppy painting and decided not to give Vito a hat in the end. You see, Audy, it’s my first painting and I’m kinda proud of how it came out so I don’t want to go messing it up! I’ll just paint him in a hat another day…What do you think?

    20081106-Acrylic-Vito

    For my next canvas (oh, check me out Audy, using artist talk) I’m painting a couple and a pretty dress. I copied the sketch from a photo in and Australian Ballet book. The photo is black and white but I am going to do the dress in colour…although I haven’t quite decided which or how much colour. I scored myself some cheap but effective, wide, flat paintbrushes that made painting the background a lot easier. It definitely pays to have the right tools! I currently have a lovely black canvas…with a slightly smoky floor for them to dance on. I might get a chance to finish it off this afternoon…but I might also take my book to the park so the dancers might not be able to get their groove on until I go home to my home.

    20081106-Dancers-Sketch

    It’s a beautiful day outside and I’m going to go make the most of it. Until next time, dear Audy, stay safe, stay happy….and watch out for wayward kites.

    Love & Canvas,

    Caf

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  • Wiling Away The Day In A Sketchy Way

    Dear Audy,

    It’s less than a week till the next doctor’s appointment…I’ve been ok, my hand is ok as long as I don’t stress it too much and the rest of the joints are leaving most of the pain to the RSD…in my world this is a good thing!

    I’ve been working a little on Lalaini’s story…Audy, I’d like you to meet Lala’s best friend in the world, Nora Andrews.

    20081023-Nora-First-Sketch

    Nora bears a strange resemblance to a cabbage patch kid and is showing some serious dimples in this pic…that’s more of a representation of my heavy hand than her actual dimples, which are reasonable dimples, not serious ones…

    The other image I’m working on at the moment is when Nora and Lala first made friends…some bullies were picking on Nora, but they were no match for Lalaini and her silver tongue.

    20081023-Nora-meets-Lalaini

    Hi Nora, I’m Lalaini. You can call me Lala, or Lalaini. People usually call me Lain when they are trying to get friendly so nowadays I stick it out there straight away. I am not Lain. I am not a lane. In fact, if I were to be any sort of road I would be a rocky mountain trail with dangerous corners and spectacular views…not a boring little lane way.”

    I’m still scribbling around with the perspective. Drawing whole people is pretty new to me so it takes me a while to figure out which way the lines should be going when I’m not copying from something…I’m missing my cherished soft rubber as the regular kind regularly sucks, but it’s on it’s way down with my prince this evening and won’t be a problem for much longer!

    In other news, I have just embarked on the nail-biting journey that is Lost. Yep, sometimes whole TV shows happen but remain completely absent from my life until they are several seasons in…or have run their lives entirely…then, somebody lends me the dvds and, suddenly, I am sucked into a state where I cannot convince myself that I should not watch the next episode and go to bed…Lost is possibly the most addictive form of crack TV I have come across yet…In other, other news, how awesome is Heroes??

    Love, Lead & Lost,

    Caf

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  • Lalaini Finds Existence In The Face Of Pain Persistance

    Dear Audy,

    You know how pain is annoying? Pain is seriously annoying. I think we need to organise some sort of rally against pain…banish it….better yet…vanquish it! Nothing can return once it gets vanquished…I’m gonna need to change my name to Paf and wait for my long lost P-named sisters to show so we can make with the spell writing and get this thing into gear! (No, you have been watching too much Charmed…no you)

    Oh Audy, I’m all doped up. My pain got a little bit nutty and kinda threw a hissy fit and now I’m waiting for blood tests and my ketamine infusion is on hold till we see what the blood has to say. It just better speak only good things or I’m gonna smack it in its stupid bloody face….

    I thought my brain was fried and nothing new or exciting was going to come out of it…then yesterday I met Lalaini Liardet. In my head, I met her in my head (duh). In her patented one hand in her front pocket and the other in her back pocket pose I introduce to you….Lalaini Liardet

    20080921Lalaini-Liardet-arr

    Lalaini is an eccentric 11-year-old. She cuts her own hair, each strand whenever she feels like it, which is whenever the strand vibes to her that it wants to be cut and she snips to the length it decides. Not surprisingly, she has a pretty wild do, but so far her mother has been incapable of stopping her daughter’s crazy hair antics (Lalaini does not think she’s crazy at all, she thinks her hair is exactly, precisely, perfect).

    Lalaini (or Lala as she’d introduce herself) had a growth spurt over the last 6 months, however she hates to shop and doesn’t feel like her old clothes are done with. She is quite happy to spend the Summer with her tops not meeting her bottoms and her bottoms not meeting her shoes until the desire sets upon her to wear something different. She doesn’t know this yet, but she’s gonna have to figure out how to handle herself amongst ghosts….oooooooooooooooooo

    Keep it real, Audy. The rappers reckon that’s a good way to keep it.

    Love & Elephant Trunks,

    Caf

    P.S. I’ll send updates on Lalaini’s adventures as I hear from her…as I hear from her in my head…duh…

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  • The Painkilling Powers Of Pretty

    Dear Audy,

    It’s becoming a pattern that whenever things seem to settle a little or (heavens forbid!) get better, that the sky suddenly opens up, lightning strikes and the good is transformed into bad…POW!! Earlier this year my left hip got a little up close & personal with some surgical tools. Their union was peaceful, they agreed on the healing terms and the verdict was that hip would just get better.

    Hip is not behaving. I thought I was well enough to sit on a tram (trolley for those of you who don’t speak Oz ). Miss Independent took herself to her appointment. Miss Independent was an idiot. Hip went Ow. Hip went Ow bad and now it is the 5th day and it is not getting better so it’s back to the doctor for us...again…we won’t take the tram this time.

    Things might be crappy, but I can still move my hands and thus I can still take little holidays to drawing land. I took a trip there yesterday…

    Since I started drawing I have been determined to do it my way. The only truly original inspiration has to come from one’s own life, things seen the way that only the artist can see. At the moment, I’m working on turning parts of my life, my observations and my thoughts into pictures.

    I know this and that….<
    20080914Holly-Throsby-sketc

    This one was inspired by Holly Throsby…she was singing Warm Jets and it was so pretty and the artist in me screamed to paint the moment. The urge grew until yesterday I sketched this…It’s a portrait but even though that’s what I was drawing it wasn’t intended that way…I just want to keep a snapshot of that part in the performance that really moved me…it wants to be a painting…it doesn’t want the harsh lines of a sketch…it wants to be soft and lightly colourful and a little hazy. I know what it wants but it might have to settle for being a sketch until I can sit back up at my easel….

    How awesome would it be if you could just know what was wrong with any part of your body? Like you can see a cut on your arm…come on evolution…you’re letting me down…

    Love & Lullabies,

    Caf

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  • Thou Ought Be Wary The BC Fairy

    Dear Audy,

    It has always been a wish of mine to find out how to contact the cleaning fairies. Mothers the world over seem to know where they live…but they aren’t spilling the beans. I was starting to think (horror!) that perhaps there were no cleaning fairies…But that isn’t the case…

    My bathroom is feeling particularly spring cleaned today. It certainly got a visit from a cleaning fairy. A crazy cleaning fairy who thought spring cleaning was a great idea! At first. The bathroom cleaning fairy did visit me, Audy, and this is her story:

    ‘Twas a wintry Spring time day
    When the time came for the clean
    An urge beyond any reproach
    To reveal a sparkly glean

    I trembled inside, as I realised
    I ought now to be wary
    For she would come, that manic one
    The bathroom cleaning fairy

    She scraped, she scrubbed, she swept and wiped
    From down low to up high
    No ick, no muck, no mould would dare
    Escape her feverish eye

    For hours and hours and hours on end
    She toiled, her muscles aching
    Until, at last, the job was passed
    A shiny bathroom for the taking

    The fairy began to grumble as
    Her cleaning frenzy abated
    That helpful, hopeful fairy smile
    Quickly disintegrated

    She is firm and fair is she
    But still a little scary
    For it isn’t any fun to be
    The bathroom cleaning fairy


    20080911sketch-bathroom-fai

    So now, as well as a clean bathroom, I have this weird, kinda grotesque self portrait…I’ve never drawn a self portrait before. What do you think? It’s entirely odd, I keep expecting to look in the mirror and see that my face has become the me in the sketch….creepy.

    Love & Exit Mould,

    Caf

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  • Therese & Trudy Eat Fries

    Dear Audy,

    Hooray it’s Spring!
    Surely a good thing!

    I am feeling much better on account of being able to move my mouth again….I have had to take some pretty whack me out medications so it’s been a blurry week. I have been trying to stay positive and amuse myself with small projects…and a ridiculous amount of Gilmore Girls…it’s worse than heroin.

    I officially can’t do anything to complete my psychology unit this semester. Buuuuuummmmmmeeeeeerrrr. Ha, I said bummer. That’s so grouse. Oh, look at me go….I’m a great big dorkus! Viva la 90’s slang!!

    I went on a big adventure on Friday, Audy. When I saw the doctor last week, I forgot to get my usual prescription because I was distracted by my jaw falling off my face….this is my life….thus I had to get my crippled little butt back into the city and get it…immediately because you see it would have been too easy if I’d remembered more than 12 hours before I would run out. I took a taxi in and sat uncomfortably with the grumpy taxi driver…I hate it when you get a grumpy one! (Side note…me….highly medicated this day….very spacey….and much less sore than normal)

    Prescription in hand, I somehow spent the next little while wandering around the children’s section in the nearby bookstore. I came out with a book about a manor with a secret door (can’t fail) and one where Alice gets out of Wonderland and has to get back and it comes with a warning regarding the battles involved…

    There is one chemist in Melbourne where I can get my meds a gazillion dollars cheaper than everywhere else so, being put off by Mr ‘I grump as I drive’, I thought I’d try my luck on the tram. Yep, one of those rattly things with hard seats, I thought, at the time, that I should ‘test’ whether or not I can take the tram again yet (verdict: well off course I can get on the damn thing but it still hurts my fragile hip that likes things cushioned…I’m not sure when the delusion set in, must be all that suppressed independence).

    It was ok at first…but then an old lady spotted my crutches. I’m sorry if you’re old and you like to talk to people about their injuries but you should know this….that is REALLY annoying. I’m trying to enjoy being out, I don’t want to talk about my pain. I know, Audy, I seem unnecessarily passionate about this…but that is how often it used to happen when I was still hobbling to work last year. I mumbled a few closed answers…nodded…tried to avoid eye contact. It makes me feel like an unfriendly cow…but where is it written that you should always want to talk to other people? Especially strangers who really have no business asking you about your personal problems anyway….yeah, I’m not feeling such rude guilt anymore when I look at it like that…

    By the time I got off the tram the spacey head thing was in full mode and I was getting wobbly. I needed food. I had planned to sit in a nice little coffee shop and enjoy a soy mocha and read my children’s books…but crutching was hard and I needed to sit down so I ended up in Hungry Jack’s with a squishy little burger and some fries. I sat their for a while dazedly watching anyone who happened to be in my eyesight…oh, you people are freaks and you know it. Two teenage girls sat down next to me and this I considered fortunate…whereas usually I would consider anything involving teenagers annoying. They were in their school uniforms and it was Friday and they were all happy and freckly and I was overwhelmed by a sense of nostalgia for those 13 year old days when things were simple, you had a bright future and the world of humour suddenly expanded to include almost everything in your surroundings whenever you were with friends and you just knew you were going to be friends forever and ever.

    Soooooo…the next day I found myself doodling a little pic inspired by those girls and I remembered a poem I started writing once, many many moons ago when I was taking a minute to appreciate how good those good sort of friends really are. I always felt like that poem wasn’t quite flowing or ending right and I suddenly realised why that was….it’s not just about those happy moments when they’re happening, it’s about how when you get back together with those friends, even decades later, you don’t change in how you relate to each other….it’s straight back to contagious cackles and silliness….

    Audy, I’d like you to meet Therese & Trudy….getting together to enjoy a moment out of their busy, adult lives.

    20080901Therese&Trudy-eat-f

    Now go call your oldest, dearest friend and have a giggle about something that happened back in the days…….

    Love & Nostalgia,

    Caf

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  • Back To The Drawing Board

    Dear Audy,

    I swear the weeks are on some sort of whooshy speedy uppy hyper pills right now! I seem to have had lots of things to do that kept me from the sewing machine…you know, those boring paperwork things that all catch up on you sometimes.

    On Thursday I was all geared up for my next bag creation, Miss Bonnie. It’s inspired by a dear little fluffy dog that I’ll introduce you to another time. I had drawn up the design and chosen my fabrics when I remembered that I had letters to post. I thought I’d be proactive and get it done…rather than getting lost in sewing world, a fate that might not see me found until well after postman-picks-up-o’clock. So, I bundled up against the cold (It is SO cold!), grabbed my crutches and hobbled on down to the corner, pleased to be getting my daily exercise.

    It did not go well.

    Typically, I hurt myself. More (For those who came in late…..I have a nerve condition called RSD in my right foot & ankle). I crutched wrong, Audy! Crutched wrong! I did something to my shoulder that spent the next couple of hours scaring me silly as it presented with sharp pains around my rib cage so that I couldn’t breathe properly. My partner came home and put me in the bath before giving my shoulder a rub. A weird little pop later and the sharp pains were gone! Woo! The soreness and stiffness is clearing up now….

    One shoulder down, I decided sewing would not be wise, thus I have headed back to the drawing board to get my creative jiggles off…

    Audy, I’d like to you meet Ada. Ada inspires my friend Melissa. Ada used to look like this:

    Ada-old-pic

    She was the 2nd imaginaiad to ever exist. Imaginaiads are nymphs of the imagination, they inspire their artists with colours, guiding them to create beautiful things. It began with my imaginaiad, Rella, but everybody has one and as my skills improve the world will get to see more of them.

    I’ve learnt a lot about guiding watercolour pencils in the past 6 months since Ada’s conception. Here’s a sneak preview at Ada Redux:

    Ada-sketch-13.7.08

    She’s hanging out on the easel right now…getting her colours and praying that Caf doesn’t mess her up!!

    Ada-on-easel-13.7.08

    Love & Shading

    Caf

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