Squirrel Days

Dear Audy,

I’m currently living in strobe lighting. It’s a strange place to be. The lights flash and my thoughts appear violently, only to abruptly vanish and leave me lost in the dark. I’m not miserable here, I’m patiently trying to seize the moments of clarity and refrain from fearing the darkness.



Keep breathing, relax, keep going…

The weather fluctuation flares kicked in this week…at lower length and intensity than I’m accustomed to, hurrah! CRPS seems to have decided that my joints should scream when the weather cools and my limbs burn uselessly when the weather warms. I’ve had to spend quite a few days this week just dealing with pain, but on the days in between, I’ve been able to keep working on improving my strength through activity and diet.

Bye bye, naughty Christmas carbs…

Speaking of Christmas carbs, I totally forgot to post a link to this little story that I wrote back in December! It gets vague up in ‘ere. Go and check out my story about a very special Christmas pudding if you happen to like love stories about food…

I have one priority at the moment, just one: Stay in control and move towards balance. Keep calm and carry on, this war won’t be won through panic.

I tell myself that everything is OK. CRPS is OK. Needing to consider pacing during every second of every day is OK. Being bored is OK. Doing absolutely nothing is better than OK; resting is paramount to my forward momentum.


Oh, Balance, you mythical winged bull, Maybe you’re impossible to strike, but I’m going to keep flying as close to you as I can.

What I am I trying to balance? What aren’t I trying to balance!

Exercise vs Rest
Activity vs Pain
Mobility vs Pain
Concentration vs Painbrain
Healthy eating vs Mobility

Caf vs Crippledom

I’m so intent on managing my little body and life that I went an entire day without even thinking about social media. An entire day! One day without Twitter and I completely missed The Golden Globes. It was confusing, I can’t remember how I ever knew what was happening in the world before there was a stream of opinions to check in on. Probably, I didn’t.


Speaking of streams, I need to find a workflow for blogging and replying and writing. There is just so much to be distracted by in this online world, I need to toughen up about what I’m following and on which social media.

Speaking of toughening up, I decided that I’d improved enough to drop an evening pill last Friday. I’m suffering for my bravery, but I’m sure I’ll sleep through the night soon and that my concentration will come back if I just keep pestering it. I keep wondering why I’m vague-ing out so frequently and then remember the pill thing and then everything makes sense again.

Speaking of making sense, I’m just not sure that I’m doing well at that today. I was determined to blog, because I set this time aside for blogging and that’s a part of my whole thing. I’m trying super hard to make my brain work, even though its fighting me at every turn.

“You were thinking about something? Not anymore! See that? That’s just an empty cloud. YOU CAN’T SEE ANYTHING IN AN EMPTY CLOUD. Haha! SQUIRREL! -Painbrain

Today is one of the days that I’ve come to think of as “down”. It’s a down day, but not in the way that my emotions are all down in the dumps, just in the way that I’m recovering from an active day yesterday and saving up energy to be active again soon.

Hmm, I can’t think of a word that sums up a down day and doesn’t already have connotations (slow day would work, but already means that time appears to pass slowly)…

What do you think, Audy? What shall we call these days that aren’t sad but most certainly aren’t active and are merely par for the course when living with chronic illness?

No, wait, I just reread this rambly post and they are clearly “Squirrel Days”. And thank you, dog from Up.


Love & Lighting Effects,

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  • 2 thoughts on “Squirrel Days

    1. Ross

      Sorry it’s been a bit since I last dropped by your blog! Like you I’ve been fighting pain and some days it’s a fight to keep blogging on a routine basis. Keep fighting through the pain and painbrain! I know where your at right now all too well!! The down days suck but on the plus side some of the good days are pretty good. Hang in there!

    2. Della

      I’ve decided I prefer o0OHH “SPARKLES” or “SHINY” over squirrel… just me… lol

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