The sun shines sporadically on this Winter’s Saturday. I am not feeling well, but I’m working on changing that.
Last night was one of those that torments with tossing and turning. I was freezing at first, unable to warm up. Later I awoke burning up all over and proceeded to drift in and out of an unfulfilling sleep like state.
All of the positions were uncomfortable and my foot wouldn’t stop bothering me.
They happen every now and then, the nights like those. Much less frequently than in the earlier years of my CRPS, which remains a testament to how far I’ve come, a glinting spark of hope and promise despite the pain of today.
My thoughts are fuzzy, my mind too tired to bring them into focus. I’ll sleep soon, but first I need to take care of myself and get the pain level down to something more tolerable. I don’t want to slip between the covers only to find myself back in that horrid cycle of twisted sheets.
It’s been a long week. For the first time in as long as I can remember, I had no medical appointments to attend. I wish this was because I was healing and coping fabulously, however it’s just a little bit of coincidental luck.
I have been bumbling through the days, trying to learn to accept the issue in my right foot and screw my head on straight enough to deal with it. Dealing is hard. I really miss being able to go for short walks, being able to drive my car and clean my house. Just when I was getting better at managing those meagre but liberating tasks, I have been thrust back into a much more highly incapacitated condition. It’s hard to let go of that frustration.
As much as possible, I have been spending time working on my upcoming live blogging event “Communicating Beyond Chronic Pain”. It’s nice to have something to focus on other than just improving my own coping strategies. I’ve been learning some nifty things that computers allow me to do that will spice up the presentation and been getting in touch with some amazing and inspiring people whom I cannot wait to introduce you to.
I’m very much looking forward to going to see Seeker Lover Keeper tomorrow. Sarah Blasko and Holly Throsby are two of my favourite musicians to see live. This will be my first time seeing Sally Seltmann. I’m a bit nervous on account of I have never been to the venue before and don’t really know where I’ll be sitting, or how far I will need to walk. I will try to find out some more information when my thoughts clear up. In the meantime, I’m just going to assume that it will all be fine and I’m going to have a great time!
I also have a Noah And The Whale gig coming up next week. It’s nice to have things to look forward to, even if I can’t seem to quite quell that quiet feeling of trepidation that hauntingly whispers things like…What if they are difficult about providing me a chair?…How am I going to get there when I’m temporarily unable to drive?
For now, though, I don’t need to worry about those questions. I need to get me functioning a bit more effectively. I about to go and find some body freedom using Feldenkrais, then perhaps some food, a bath and hopefully after that it will be time to sleep.
A couple of hours sleep and I’m sure that I’ll get my perspective back on track. Better perspective will make everything feel better, even this stubbornly angry foot of mine.
Love & Afternoon Rambles,