Keeping Focus Amidst The Frost & Flaming Flares

Dear Audy,

I should have known when I stumbled off the balance beam last week that it would be slow and confusing to recover. Gosh, I wish that sentence was literal, fancy being able to walk on a balance beam! I was a gymnast once, before I was a ballerina…before my age hit double figures. Unfortunately, the thing that I am trying to balance on now is simple, day to day life, which in reality is not so simple and a lot less steady than a sturdy balance beam.

Have you ever walked on a tightrope? I must admit that I have not, both courage and opportunity have failed to see me step off solid ground and onto a thin wire, with nothing to hold on to. I have, however, pretended to walk on a tightrope on my Wii Fit. When I think about how I need to balance activity and rest in order to improve my condition without setting off flares (which is about every other second), I kind of imagine myself on that imaginary tightrope (second level of imaginary? Bring it on). On one side of me is rest and on the other side is activity. If I lean too far either way, then I tumble into the dreaded pit of flaming flares that lies below. The one that I am rather deservedly sitting in right now.

As you may know, I have been feeling much better of late. I’ve been able to drive more, do more and generally feel less pain. Turns out, I was a little bit more into the ‘more’ than my body was ready for. It has been an incredible run of days, however, I have CRPS, I knew that it would flare eventually. One of my biggest challenges is coping with the sore times well, so that I can get back to happy times sooner. It can be hard to keep up when my condition fluctuates so speedily and so drastically.

I think I am doing alright, I’m waiting out this flare the best that I can, I’m still getting some chores done around the house and I’ve started writing a story that I hope to keep focused on until its conclusion…something that I have not managed with a story for some time! When I planned to focus on writing as a way of doing something productive, I planned on continuing a story that I started some time ago, however, iWorks did not want to open the file, which I took as a (quite obvious) sign that I should start a new story. I’ve decided to let the characters write this one and just go along for the ride. I expect that if and when I do make it to the end, there will be a lot of ramble to cut out in order to string together the good stuff. I expect that’s how a lot of stories get written.

I didn’t get to have lunch with Nicole & Lisa today, as I had hoped. None of our limbs much wanted us to do anything so extravagant as meet friends and eat food.There is a lot of flaring going on in Melbourne, could it be the fault of this frosty weather? You can’t always predict the weather, but the weather can always knock you off that imaginary, imaginary tightrope as swiftly as a television gladiator with a giant, inflatable hammer.

The cold snuck up on me so swiftly today that I am wearing a scarf inside, huddled as I wait for the heater to warm things up.

20100413 Scarf Inside

I shall be laying low for the next few days, attempting to balance activity and rest with the added safety net of staying in the sanctuary of my home. I need these legs of mine to start co-operating so that I can make it to my Feldenkrais session on Friday – it is my favourite part of the week!

It’s frustrating never knowing how long the flare will last, but I’m trying to put that frustration aside and focus on doing as much as I can to stay on the path to recovery. I might not be able to balance like a gymnast, but I’m hoping that with time, patience and focus, I can learn to get a bit more even territory into every day living.

Love & Hiccups,

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  • 4 thoughts on “Keeping Focus Amidst The Frost & Flaming Flares

    1. Della

      I’ve never walked a tightrope, but I’ve walked the top of a 2×4 wall while building a house. Wouldn’t attempt it these days though… unless I had a Really good day and lost my mind in the joy of it.. lol

      It’s extremely difficult to learn not to overdo it when you feel better!! I’ve repeated the process over and over…. feel good, do as much as possible, pay pay pay, kick self (hurt foot,) vow to do better, time passes, repeat…. ad nauseam.

      1. admin Post author

        Eep!! I shall definitely avoid any rooftops until I get this metaphorical balance under control ;P

    2. franci

      SERIOUSLY!! I agree with you and Della, as we all have the same lifestyle’s going on!

      The weather absolutely plays a huge role in my crps, as well.

      Again, keep your chin up, and I am just so inspired by you.


      1. admin Post author

        I’m still waiting for my weather remote to arrive :)
        Thankfully, the sun has finally come out to cheer me up!! x

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