This week has been full of challenges! Mostly comprised of the complications of everyday life versus my nervous system.
I have been plagued by pain and fatigue this week. I had expected a bit of a crash at some point thanks to all of the activity of moving house, however it held off for longer than I anticipated. Delayed reactions are really common for me. Maybe that’s why CRPS gets so angry, it’s grumpy that it didn’t notice my body being “attacked” and then overcompensates by stomping around a lot. All over my senses.
Friday was the toughest. Burning went through the roof and I had one of those episodes where it’s really hard to breathe, let alone think or get a word out. These painic attacks (as is fitting to call them) have become less regular in recent months, but they still do happen. Usually when I am feeling particularly vague of mind and thinking a straight thought is difficult. It’s hard to keep a body calm when it feels like somebody poured glue all over the control panel.
The flare went down a bit overnight and I spent Saturday doing a lot of stretching, pottering around the house and resting on the couch. I felt a lot better by the end of the day.
Disappointingly, the pain is back up to about an 8/10 (it’s Sunday morning as I type this). It’s a muggy day, I think that has a lot to do with my CRPS symptoms arching up. Most of the bother is in my hands, they are puffy, shiny and uncoordinated. They are also a purply kind of red and softly curling into fists when left unattended. Silly hands.
Thankfully, I have gotten better at dealing with this level of pain. I’m not particularly stressed or upset, I don’t foresee any more painic attacks on the cards for the weekend. I’ll keep managing myself and my body will stop being such a hindrance soon. That’s the way these things usually work.
Hopefully, I can learn to stave off those painic attacks altogether. Doing so is one of my rehabilitation goals.
And so I am disappointed, thankful and hopeful. Those things don’t have to exist separately. Which is a pretty fabulous thing because disappointment is pretty awful without hope to churn up some motivation and move us forward.
I have some plans to get out and be social this coming week, I do hope that I will be able to follow through with them. In the past, this situation has been stressful (What if I can’t go? What if I flare while I’m out? What if I drive there and can’t get home? …) however I am doing my best not to play the “what ifs” game.
Instead, I am resting, focusing on pain management and doing everything I can to get my body fit and active. That’s all I can do in preparation for anything, really. If I do that and I still have to bail at the last minute, at least I can do so knowing that I’ve tried, it’s just that in some moments chronic pain takes things out of my direct control.
No matter what happens, I don’t need to get upset. I probably will at times, but I don’t need to. It’s not the law of the universe that certain situations or levels of pain need to make me anxious or teary. Remembering that helps me to cope with a lot of the disappointments that CRPS throws in my face.
Looking to the week ahead, I hope to regain control of my body and shaft this flare down to over-ville. I’d like the weather to play along, however I’ll do my best to manage around it. I really hope to make my play dates and make some progress in unpacking my sewing ‘n stuff room. Mostly, I just hope to stay calm and functional enough to go about my business. I think that’s pretty doable.
Love & Deep Breaths,